"For the sake of the children"

A while back I grand- dog-sat my sons cute little pupster. We love the little guy when he can stay with us. He has the run of the house and yard, and NO does not exist for him. It was all good for a day or two when he realized that his "dad and mom" were gone. His little tail did no longer whip like a propeller. His eyes were no longer sparkly and he had lost his bounce. When he cuddled it was like, I know you love me, but you are not my mom or dad. It was heartbreaking.
When we see that sadness in our kids, we sacrifice just about anything to keep them from that pain of being left behind, abandoned, rejected, not worth "it" feeling. We are also in survival mode of "never give up" . Some of us work hard to being what the other spouse thinks we should be. That hard work turns us into a doormat, scapegoat, object, and is sending a message to our kids that we are "wrong", the deficient parent, and not deserving of respect because we apparently failed.
In a previous blog (mom to mom, not as a counselor) let the emotions whirl themselves out, deal with facts, and try to be as adult as possible in letting your kids know that you are their safety net regardless of the (emotional, financial) issues you are having with the spouse. If you need help, it is available. You are not alone.


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