Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Remembering Mom on Mothers Day

Reconciling the past

My mom passed away after a long horrific ordeal with brain cancer that started when I was 5. Her closest friend at the time just recently passed away which got me re-connected with her daughter.

Ellen was very emotional over the loss. The kind way a daughter talks about her mother was what I hoped for but was totally unexpected. I was interested in what happened between A when Ellen went to court at age 14 to be emancipated to B, the present. I wanted to hear how the bridge she blew up with a nuclear bomb to justify divorcing her mom was able to be re-built for the sake of all kids who envied kids who were privileged to have a mother at all.

Years of being a wild child without restraints and consequences was not working out in the long run. Failure after failure to hit the jackpot with her free spirited personality left her disillusioned, depressed, and older. Changing locations, “careers”, partners, clothes, and hairstyles like boring toys left her still the person she always was….  Ellen, smart, beautiful, confident, proud, with a gift bag of excuses, entitlement, and a big hole in her heart.

After her second pregnancy at age 18 something had to change. During mandatory group sessions someone remarked that her daughter looked so sweet, just like Ellen’s mom. Ellen changed groups after that comment and resented her daughter. In the process of doing DNA inventory she reluctantly saw similarities with her mother not just in appearance that could be developed into valuable potential. She also realized that she had Dad DNA. She never met him or his tribe so he could never be assigned blamed for anything that went wrong. Brake the pattern. Brake the curse! Write a letter to your mother and take responsibility for deflections. Humanize her.

We are both grieving the loss of time with our mother especially on Mothers Day with the many who ran out of time on forgiveness, humility, and respect.

       Happy Mothers Day