rape prevention and resources

http://www.nsvrc.org/blogs/saam/when-everyone-involved-prevention-possible

respect and boundaries

When a group of women helped a friend move we got on the topic of jealousy, his reason of their broken marriage. Everyone had a different spin depending on their morality, spirituality, or lack of.
If you are a person who does not honor your marriage, you most likely will not honor the marriage of anyone. If you are in a mature, monogamous relationship you most likely have higher standards and expect higher standards from the people you chose to associate with.
The jealousy part comes from the third party intruder, who feels entitled to destroy what is unattainable to them for lack of decency. It's not about any person, but winning until they need their next fix from another unsuspecting target.
Our friend wanted moral boundaries respected by not accepting the crumbs on the floor, like when a stray dog poops on your lawn, you don't pet him, you don't know where he's been, and he might bite your face off. Jealous? Hardly! Self respect? Yup!

share your epiphany

Epiphany is a religious observation of the visit of three kings following a star that lead to the new king of the Jews. According to Matthew 2:11 they offered him gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

gold represents nobility
frankincense as incense in worship,
and myrrh as anointing oil.

The epiphany  of the three kings was like, wow, things are not always what we expect. You can't judge a book by the cover, we don't know what we don't know until we have our own epiphany.

I especially like Miriam Websters definition: a (1) :  a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) :  an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) :  an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure.

We, at Call Mom , indulge in epiphanies when our moms discover that no amount of pain, suffering, emotions, reasoning, logic, manipulation can will a person into being responsible. They are gone. We cut our losses, deal with what's left, like dollars and cents, get our dignity (gold) back, count our blessings of being delivered from slavery by forgiving them and ourselfs (frankincense) by receiving support (myrrh) to dress the wounds for the healing process.

We love the illuminating epiphanies after all cares of emotions have whirled away and we again have faith in Heaven on Earth.

http://www.crystalrivers.com/poetry/rumi.html

save our kids

https://changingmindsnow.org/stories

Should I stay, or should I go?

http://melschwartz.com/the-wrong-reasons-for-staying-married-2/

no time to read a book?

short subjects when you can't sleep...http://www.npr.org/podcasts/510308/hidden-brain

and oh, what if you are wrong?

just in case you are NOT in·fal·li·ble (God-like) adjective: infallible incapable of making mistakes or being wrong. unerring, unfailing, faultless, flawless, impeccable, perfect, precise, accurate, meticulous, scrupulous never failing; always effective OK, denial is a wonderful justification (for the time being)

Trolls, ignore, ignore, ignore

Trolls, aka bullies who high five each other when they collectively dehumanize someone to make themselves feel cool and "powerful" fool themselves that actions have no consequence.  What bullies say to you, they are actually saying to themselves.

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. George Bernard Shaw

need someone to talk to? http://www.bystanderrevolution.org/help

depression or bipolar?

Have you ever been frustrated with another human being because they defied logic? My neighbor, a highly intelligent and accomplished lady, used to love to chitty chat on the porch with me. We reciprocated on projects, causes, yard work, maintenance items. The kids were welcome in either house for sleep overs, meals, birthday parties, etc. Eventually the visitation periods became shorter and the absences longer. She was avoiding me. I was very hurt and took it personal. Sometimes I pushed back. Respectfully we apologized to each other for misunderstandings, however, the roller coaster got so scary where we needed to part for the sake of my sanity. Months went by. I ran into her daughter at a store and inquired about my friend. She had been hospitalized and treated for bi-polar disorder. I was so deeply sorry that I expected her to be who she was unable to be... and kind of punished her for it. We don't know what we don't know.
(For the most part we know when we are being played and quit being a volunteer to cons we have insufficient history with.) How often are we unkind to someone who is not measuring up to our standards? Instead of justifying our attitude by playing God, Judge and Jury, maybe we could give someone the benefit of the doubt and give them a hands up.
If you have severe depression, contact the people on the link below. It was sent by a mom who suffered needlessly for a long time.

http://rehinge.com/contact/

Sanity Slogans

for meditation, near your phone and computer

the big purge

Everybody needs the 12 step program. Fill in the dotted line with what your issues are. Alcohol, drugs, character flaws, gossip, lying, cheating, undermining, stealing, comfort eating, grandstanding, ego-tripping...

1. We admitted we were powerless over......... - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

http://www.freerehabcenters.org/details/ca_92040_calvary-ranch

free epiphany

noun revelation

flash, insight, inspiration, oracle, realization, vision, sign, surprise, bombshell, discovery, lightning bolt, shocker.

A young woman in our group mentioned that she just had an "epiphany". I remember "Epiphany" as a religious tradition to reflect on the magi who followed a star to worship the new king. They traveled in a caravan, they were wise, wealthy, and notable. Their gifts were equally stellar, fit for the king of kings. (short, simple version of Matt 2:1-12) I can only imagine that after they left Herod's castle and ended up at a more humble destination that was not exactly what they expected... became the day we now call epiphany.

We know the rest of the story.

What is your epiphany this year? Where do you need a epiphany?

We are always available to guide you to a topic. : )

"For the sake of the children"

A while back I grand- dog-sat my sons cute little pupster. We love the little guy when he can stay with us. He has the run of the house and yard, and NO does not exist for him. It was all good for a day or two when he realized that his "dad and mom" were gone. His little tail did no longer whip like a propeller. His eyes were no longer sparkly and he had lost his bounce. When he cuddled it was like, I know you love me, but you are not my mom or dad. It was heartbreaking.
When we see that sadness in our kids, we sacrifice just about anything to keep them from that pain of being left behind, abandoned, rejected, not worth "it" feeling. We are also in survival mode of "never give up" . Some of us work hard to being what the other spouse thinks we should be. That hard work turns us into a doormat, scapegoat, object, and is sending a message to our kids that we are "wrong", the deficient parent, and not deserving of respect because we apparently failed.
In a previous blog (mom to mom, not as a counselor) let the emotions whirl themselves out, deal with facts, and try to be as adult as possible in letting your kids know that you are their safety net regardless of the (emotional, financial) issues you are having with the spouse. If you need help, it is available. You are not alone.


http://melschwartz.com/for-the-sake-of-the-children/?utm_source=For+the+Sake+of+the+Children&utm_campaign=Constant+Contact&utm_medium=email

yertle the turtle

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-skog/lets-end-womens-bullying-_b_7995750.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

Social Media

Parents and grandparents: you need to watch this video to learn how easy it is for a pedophile to convince young children to meet with them. You may have warned your kids. You may have taught them. You may have reminded them. You may have admonished them to never meet with a stranger, let alone get into a stranger’s car. Yet with all of that, these girls could not resist social media’s siren song.

 

The test in this video was done with the permission of these 3 girls’ parent. This should be a wakeup call for all parents of young impressionable trusting children.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jMhMVEjEQg

 

conflict resolution resource

 

A small church we partnered with some time ago is reporting good results with some summer programs. See if you can glean from it. Sounds downright biblical : )

• Makeshift food bank once a month
• Playground socials once a week with a volunteer counselor present to just talk
• Book club: How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk

pulpit bullies and shaming

Eleanor Roosevelt:" What we need in the world is manners.... I think that if instead of preaching brotherly love, we preached good manners, we might get a little further. It sounds less righteous and more practical".


It takes character to take ownership of an offense and offer a real apology.
http://www.sorrywatch.com/




tipping un-holy cows:
a person with core values does not have to extinguish someone else's candle to make theirs look brighter. Eventually their mask will be torn off and they receive what they are focusing on. Keep focusing on gratitude and being a genuine vs a virtual blessing. Offensive comments on social media are made by bullies/cowards to their virtual audience. Blow away the chaff.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy


hope this helps St. Louis/Springfield mom.
Thank you for the lovely card.
Hugs!

update on free range parenting

A style that was popular from the 50's through the 80's and endorsed by parents who had difficulty coping coming from sheltered environments.
(free range: be home by dinner
tiger mom: preparing for success)

Betty Richardson, Ph.D., R.N.C., L.P.C.,L.M.F.T.